“I’m fully known and loved by you.”
I’d be lying if I said that I was an easy person to get to know. I’ve got walls, high walls, strong walls, a combination of bricks and steel, filled with a solid layer of concrete. They aren’t something that I’m proud of and I don’t remember building them, but over the years it seems as if the walls have gotten higher. Don’t get me wrong, I am trying to break them down, but for now, let’s just accept the fact that they are there.
There aren’t a lot of people who really know me. It’s not because of them, but because of me and my fears. My fear is that they will see me and in their efforts to get to know me, discover that they no longer want to know me. Once they get to understand what has made me in to me, I fear that they will run. So I stick to the formalities. I keep it vague. Confess that I have issues but never truly specify what they are.
I am even a bit like that with God. My prayers are full of pleasantries. I shy away from the confessions. He already knows. But recently I have noticed that God is starting to deal with my heart. He is dealing with my pride and my heart and trying to make me realise just how much of a refuge He truly is. He has begun to make me think and question my intentions and motivations. But I am starting to feel as though He has been trying to do this for a while but my stubborn heart was acting like a wall and resisting it.
Thank God for His persistence. Since the beginning of the year, one thing that I have been struggling to understand and accept is how real and true God’s grace and forgiveness is. That is why this song speaks to me. Regardless of the walls that I stupidly put up, regardless of the mistakes that I recklessly make, God knows me completely. He knows me and He has not run away. He knows me and loves me. He does not love me because He knows me. He loves me because of who He is.