I can’t really pinpoint a specific date, but I can tell you why. Over the past few weeks, I’ve just been experiencing a sense of peace. It is hard to describe. The only word that I think of that could even come close is, ‘other,’ and even that is not enough. The reason why I say ‘other,’ is because it is completely different to how I previously felt. This isn’t to say that I was previously walking around crying out ‘woe is me,’ but it’s only now that I am feeling this sense of peace that I realise that I was lacking it.
I laugh now when I say it, but for months, I was honestly an ‘extra-curricular Christian.’ Don’t go googling what that means because I made it up #trademarkandcopyrightpending. But what I mean by that is that I was doing everything whilst really doing nothing. I was engaging in ‘fellowship,’ going to church sometimes and talking to people about God (I know that that is sort of like fellowship but I wanted to make the list a bit longer). I repeat…I was doing everything whilst really doing nothing. My prayers were short and the only scriptures that I was really reading were the daily Bible app verses. Sometimes I would simply skim read them or just look at the little images that the app made. Shameful but true.
I’m not going to lie, I used to find Solomon so melodramatic. Saying stuff like “for with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief (Ecclesiastes 1:18).” But the more that I think about it, the more I realise just how accurate he was. I got to the stage where I thought ‘what else is there?’ I’d read the Bible, made my notes, briefly contemplated what it meant for me. What else is there? What else is left to do but live? So live I did. Blissfully unaware that I was living but walking further away.
I rerouted my journey a few months ago. Fellowship? Check. Church? Check. Prayer? Minimal. Bible? Well the app was still my best friend. I noticed how bad it would be when I would open my app and it would still be on the same verse that we were reading at church or discussing in cell group. I knew it wasn’t right but I somehow convinced myself that it was enough.
Until a few weeks ago when I found myself sitting in church wondering what I really do with my time. Am I really too busy for God? The creator of time. Am I really willing to sit here and pretend that I do not have enough time when I know that He is there watching me waste it? Flicking between apps, doing countless things that bring me ‘other.’ I realised that I needed to make a conscious decision. To not just read His word but to digest it. To not just digest it but dissect it. To examine how I can relate it to my life. If it means that I need to start a plan, then start a plan. The Bible app was made for more than just ‘verse of the day.’
This is why I call this post the starting point. Because although I became a Christian without having read the Bible, it has since become my starting point. My starting point for decisions, for peace and for the transformation that I am beginning to see within. The funny thing about it is that once you have finished reading, you have never finished reading, you have never finished learning or even growing. So to the cynic in me who creeps up ever so often, when you find yourself asking ‘what else is there?’